walk.run.FLY___________ for i am eVil today.
Away
The more time I spent with my mother, the more I realise that we are not compatible. I cannot stand the way she makes every tiny winy thing a big deal and she cannot stand the way I talk to her. Disrespectful she says. Well, I'm talking back, how can one be respectful when one is talking back? There are ways, I'm sure she'll say so. I'll just have to learn. What I've learnt though, is that I need to get away from here. I don't have to be far, just away, though the farther the better. And fast. Before our relationship turns sour, before everything's too late and there'll be no turning back. For I really don't wish to be an unfilial daughter to her, considering how much she'd suffered to make all of us survive and living now in what you could call a rather comfortable life. But I need the distance. Badly.
--i'll say what i want--

Saying I'm sorry
It's easy to blame others. When you realise that you've made a mistake, just say " it's all so-and-so's fault " and you're done. You may feel better but then again, you might not. That's when guilt gets the better of you and you begin to understand how unfair you have been to so-and-so. But you don't want to admit that it's your fault. No, you'll cling on to that pride of you, or whatever that's left, until you could no longer do so. Little did you realise that by clinging onto it so tightly, you're actually losing everything else bit by bit - the respect others might have of you, your own common sense and the sense of righteousness - in the process.

Yes. It takes courage for one to admit his wrongdoings. And I'm not talking about those who apologise as easily as they repeat their mistakes. Beg for forgiveness on their knees they go, pleading for a second chance, giving their promises and swearing that they will not do it again. While in their heads they are already plotting plans for the best next-time. It's all bullshit.

I'm talking about those with respect - for themselves if not anyone else - those with a sense of responsibility and good conscience. Those who say sorry and mean it. Those who will admit that they're wrong and not try to find some spacegoats to take the rap. Those who will not repeat their mistakes time and again. Yes, it takes more than courage to do so. And certainly more than guilt.

For guilt is easy to handle, and easy to get used to. Once or twice it may be eating at you. After a few times you don't feel it anymore. You get so used to it you don't even realise that you've mentioned a number of names who you think should be blamed. But deep down you know you are wrong too. Deep deep down.

--i'll say what i want--

Blame me!
Blame me for everything. Just blame me. After all, what can I say? You're the authority. You can point your finger at anyone, at me. But I can't point my finger at you.

I did anyway. If you think I'm feeling happy about this, you're wrong. I did because I have to. You have to realise that you're not always right. Neither am I, I know. But at least I have to courage to admit it. You don't. And on the rare occassions that you admit you're at fault, you still blame others; for they have misled you, making you think in the way you do, make you misunderstand them. Even better, you claimed ignorance. Lady, you could always ask first. But you didn't. You prefer to jump into your own conclusions. You like to create uproar first, then do nothing to salvage the situation. You feel it's your responsibility to confront others. But when you find out that they are innocent of the crimes you accused them of committing, you did nothing short to apologise. Instead, you mention their past crimes, and continue to make them look guilty. It doesn't make you anymore innocent than they are if you ask me. But then, you never do.
--i'll say what i want--

WALKING.
to think

RUNNING.
to chase

FLYING.
to catch


just what the heck do i want












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