walk.run.FLY___________ for i am eVil today.

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Should I?

Or shouldn't I ask?

I know he can afford to. But I know he won't want to. So there's where the problem lies. Maybe I can try to beg, or maybe I can make a deal. Take it as he's lending me the money (interest-free) instead of giving it to me. Since he has enough of it he would most likely agree, wouldn't he?

But we're talking about $200,000 here, not $20,000. How can I pay that amount of money back? And even if I could, how long would it take me? And how much would I have to sacrifice? I don't think I can breathe easy knowing that I have a debt of $200,000 even before I started earning any real money.

But I really wish to go. I just have to figure out now if it's really worth going. If I don't have to consider the financial matter then sure, I'll definitely go. But now, I really have to weigh the benefits and costs that will incur. Going there all alone, having to take care of myself - the cooking, the cleaning, the washing, and a lot more. Sigh. What to do now? Should I ask?

--i'll say what i want--

Habouring the hope

Still habouring the hope?

What kind of question is that, man. And what kind of father is he. Before the battle is over, before the time is up, before I'm forced to give up; how could he say something like that to me. He's the most fortunate father already that I didn't ask him to come up with the money. How many children there are who insist that their parents allow them to go. How many parents there are who have to sell their properties in the process. I haven't so much bothered him as to ask for the application fee. I paid it out of my savings. This is not something he should say to his kid. At least this is not something he should say to ME. I know I don't deserve this.

Am I still habouring the hope?

I'm not giving up till it's over man. I'm stronger than that. And I'm definitely not letting his insensitive remarks gets to me. Sigh. Maybe he don't mean it that way. Maybe he don't know what's happenning. Okay, so I didn't tell him much. Alright, I'm not angry. I'm just stressed out I guess.

--i'll say what i want--

$$$

I am money-minded. Perhaps it was growing up with the lack of it that has made me so. But we weren't exactly poor, thanks to those who had generously helped us through bad times. So we were never forced to go without food for days or anything worse.

I am money-minded. Because I know the importance of having money and what money can do. True, money isn't everything. But without money there isn't anything for you. There are other things more important than money you say. There are things that money can't buy. Sure. But why not have money and enjoy what money can get you, rather than having nothing at all.

I am money-minded. Well, now that I'm going University I have to consider about the cost that will be involved, don't I? I have no money of my own so there's no way I can fund my own education. I have to depend on others now. And by others I mean my father. What gets on my nerves is that it's not about how much he can help me, but it's how much he's willing to help.

I am money-minded. Because I know I want to live comfortably in the future. And still be able to help those who have ever helped me. Or to repay them to be exact. I don't want to be forever in their debts. And they do need help now, financially.

So you see, I can't not be money-minded.

--i'll say what i want--

Chance

It seems more likely now than ever that I'll finally be able to break away from here. I'll just have to wait patiently for the time to come. Then I'll kiss everyone and everything goodbye. In the meantime I'd rather keep things low profile. In the meantime... I can wait. Till then, I'm praying very hard for my sanity and common sense to be fully intact when the time comes.. So I won't make the wrong decision. Bless me.

--i'll say what i want--

WALKING.

to think

RUNNING.

to chase

FLYING.

to catch

just what the heck do i want

CREDITS.

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